So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
