tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
