how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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