I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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