the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
