He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
