A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
