Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Randomize
