Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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