and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
