Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
