The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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