I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
