Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
