and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
