I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
