I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
