You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
