i need an iv and a liver transplant
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
