i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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