there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
