Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
