I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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