I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
