OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
