Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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