woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
