oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
