is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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