She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Your penis caused this!
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