I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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