I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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