my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
What changed your mind?
Being sober
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
