There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Randomize
