My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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