Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
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