New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
