I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
