and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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