these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
