I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
