the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
