Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
