You made me cry and you don't even care
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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