Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
