He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
