it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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