Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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