Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
