Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
