I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
