My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i will never coherently bang her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
